Ah yes, the day all of us parents have been waiting for, the last day of school. No more lunches to make, or repeating ourselves many times over to get dressed, brush teeth or we will be late mornings. I love this time of year, to see all of my kids accomplishments, watching them move forward into the next grade. But what I don’t love is how lazy they get over the summer. We find socks in the oddest of places; toothpaste covering the sink, going to the pool is considered their bath. (Ok that’s our fault). Every summer I say we will use less technology and be more present and mindful. I think this year might be the year. My oldest is going into the sixth grade and has two homework assignments he has to complete over the next two months before the first day of school. As a mom, I love every minute of that. It will keep his mind fresh so he doesn’t start the school year having to relearn everything he did by the end of fifth grade. This is my motivation for both of my kids to use less technology and spend more time connecting to each other, outside, and us. See, kids need healthy boundaries. In my experience they thrive when limitations are set. I see more and more kids running their parents lives, than the other way around. When I was growing up I had a bedtime every night and there was a routine. I had to eat what was made for me, clean up after myself, etc. The list goes on. So as a parent I do the same for my kids, they eat well, they have a bedtime every night, even on weekends and we limit their time on technology. But during the summer, this all changes. I need to do a better job at keeping the boundaries in place that we set over the school year. Usually we let them stay up later, play on their iPads longer or without limitation and I see now that it is not the healthiest thing for them. I don’t beat myself up about it and I know a lot of parents who do the same thing as us. But, what if we can work to change how much time they are spending on technology to more time connecting? It firsts starts with us as parents by putting down our phones when our kids are in the room. Second, it’s about slowing down by taking walks together and exploring what the world has to offer even in our own back yards. It is also about being a parent and not a friend. Sure do I want my kids to tell me everything and call on me for when they need help? Yes. But if I am their friend then I am not giving them boundaries. Parent first, friend second. I hope all of you who are reading this can join me in being more present this summer with your kids. I want them to grow up remembering all of the fun times we had enjoying each other and not what level they completed on Minecraft. A few years ago, I saw a cartoon that pictured a stick figure riding a bicycle on a straight line. Underneath that picture was another cartoon with a stick figure riding a bicycle, except this time the line was bumpy with hills and valleys. The caption read underneath both pictures- “if this was your life path, which path would you choose?” That cartoon really makes sense. Because, while we might naturally gravitate toward the path with the straight line, because it’s easier, the path with the peaks and lows provides the most opportunity for growth. It is an interesting way to look at life. It leads us to change perspective and opens us to change. This past week, I spent time in Puerto Rico where my days were spent on a stand-up paddleboard – or SUP, as they call it. I did this because I want to change my perspective. I wanted to learn how I could teach yoga on a paddleboard. Trust me, it’s a lot harder than it looks. I did this because I think it is important to do things in life that scare you. I think that being on a paddleboard while practicing yoga let me overcome my fear of, well, myself. It gave me permission to trust the process. At first, you want to do everything you can to gain balance so you don’t fall off of your board. But what I learned is that falling was the best part. It was the most fun falling in the ocean when my body hit the water. It connected me to nature that sometimes, on land, I forget to connect to. The laughing that takes place every time you fall off gives you permission to realize that life doesn’t always have to be so serious. Now, I am not saying that all of you should go out and hop on a paddleboard to change your perspective (but really, you should try it at least once!). What I am saying is that you should do something in your life that scares you. If it doesn’t scare you, you will never know if it could change your outlook. Even if it is just for a minute, you’ll see that you are not that stick figure riding on a straight line. You are a lot more whole and human in this experience we call life. I always knew that I was going to be a mother. I never had the dream of a fairytale wedding or meeting a Prince Charming, but I did want to have a family that had the husband and the kids. So it came as a big surprise when I learned I was pregnant after dating a man for just three months back when I was 24. I thought, well, this is not the plan! But I decided that I wanted the baby and had faith that everything would work out. It did to some extent. I eventually married that man, we had a second child and there I thought life was complete. Although my marriage was never built upon the things I valued, I think our inexperience with one another early on is what eventually led us to divorce. My children are my world. I knew what life was like before them but can’t imagine life without them. When they were babies I would always question if I were doing a good job. Will I shape them into respectful, loving human beings? As I raise them, will I still be a respectful loving human being? Will I be able to take care of myself through the path of motherhood? How can I ensure that I am loving myself, being kind to myself and respecting my needs so that I can provide my children with support to fulfill their needs as well? All big questions to have, and definitely a struggle at times to answer. When Jada Pinkett Smith was recently asked in an interview about the challenges of motherhood, part of her response was that we are conditioned to take the back seat to make sure our children are taken care of first. While all of that is important, it leaves you wondering, “who is going to fill my well?” I agree with her and it got me thinking about my job as a mother and what is it that I do to take care of myself. This took a long time for me to realize – the importance of self-care. But when I did, I then saw I could take better care of my children, my partner, my friends, and my family. So as a mother, can you recondition the notion of taking the back seat and put yourself first? I believe over time you can start to make little changes that will eventually turn into habits and will begin to fill your well. Whether that is meditating, taking a yoga class, watching an episode of your favorite television show, or drawing yourself a bath, you can start to take control of your life and develop ways to fill yourself up that exude happiness from the inside out. In return, you will then begin to see happier children, partners, friends, and family members because you are showing them the importance of self-care. You will then benefit greatly by being able to support them in their successes, dreams, wants and desires. It all starts with you. For years now I have been listening to the “they’s” (as my grandmother would like to call them). You know the ones I am talking about, the ones that tell you everything you should be doing with your health, your body, your life etc. Last month I made a decision to have a tonsillectomy after countless years of horrible throat infections. I will not get into the details, because I want you to keep reading my blog. It really got me thinking about the history of my illnesses, all of the measures I have taken holistically ,medically ,the excruciating pain, hours of time spent doing what everyone else was telling me I should do. I will say that I know that all of them only had my best interest at heart, but why wasn’t I listening to myself? Why didn’t I trust myself enough to know what my body needs? Fear. Fear of the unknown, fear I would do something wrong. fear I would miss out on supporting myself financially, fear of letting someone down, fear that I couldn’t do this on my own & without help. Silly right? We live in a day where we rely on what others think, what the Internet tells us we should do instead of truly listening to ourselves. Listening to our bodies, our hearts, and our minds. I live in a culture where Western medicine far outweighs holistic approaches like in the Eastern part of the world. As a yogi and a yoga teacher we tend to take a more natural approach to our health and healing. I would see an acupuncturist or massage therapist before I saw a medical doctor. I would consult my health coach or Reiki master before making an appointment with my general practitioner. Every approach I have taken are very great options for healing. But, I do believe there is a reason for Western medicine. It is why I made the decision I did. Recently after everything I have done to avoid recurring cases of strep throat, it came back, twice in a month. I could spend more time holistically trying to figure it out, but I believe I have done everything I could. So I am trusting in the West. I am trusting in my head and neck surgeon to remove my tonsils because deep down I believe it is something I should have done a long time ago. My health is more important to me now than it ever has been. There is only one shot at this, and I want to give it my best shot. So if you are teetering on an edge of making a decision about your health, know that it is your body, your mind, and your heart. Trust yourself. Advocate for yourself. You are your biggest supporter. Trust that no matter what, you are making the best decision for yourself, and leave the “they’s” out of it. |
About TiffanyTiffany (RYT 200®) is a student and teacher of yoga living in Baltimore, Maryland. Archives
February 2022
Categories
All
SITES I LOVE
All
|